Back from Break

Today was back to school after a nice five days off.

Those days off didn't help.

Ugh.

I'm telling myself repeatedly not to cave in and to make him work this out, but it is hard.  There is a strong pull in me to just take him back to homeschooling.

But I know that if he can just work through it, then he will be ok.

I just wish he would verbalize what it is that is bothering him so much.

Breaks Are Good

Bug and Bean have five days off for the Thanksgiving holiday starting tomorrow.  For Bean it is no big deal, but for Bug I think it is a much needed break.  The tears have been a near daily occurrence at school for the past two weeks.  No one can figure out what is really wrong.  He doesn't say much to me other than he misses me and to his teacher and aides and counselors he doesn't say anything other than he wants to go home.

When I dropped him off today he began crying.  He had that telltale look that screams MELTDOWN so I hung out and did my best to calm him.  When I finally left he still looked out of it, but at least the tears had stopped.  I told his teacher "good luck" and I really meant it.  Since I haven't received a phone call I'm just going to hope that all is ok - when I pick him up I guess I will find out.

Maybe he just needs a break.  This has all been a lot for him to handle.

Today I had the opportunity to see the "Sensory Room" at the school when I dropped Bean off.  I had seen so many rooms there that I don't remember if they showed me that one.  I thought I was impressed with the OT room, but the sensory room - WOW!

Anyways, Bean's class was going in there for a little while.  It was very cool.  I'm going to ask if we can write it in for an aide to take Bug there when he gets emotional.  I think it will be calming for him.  I think it may be exactly what he needs for a break.  His teacher has provided quite a bit for him in the classroom, but I think an out of the classroom escape may be just what he needs from time to time.

I guess that even though he isn't saying much other than he misses me right now, he actually has said a lot... Since starting school he has said that it is too loud, there are too many people, it is too bright, he doesn't like drawing pictures for math, P.E. confuses him, he doesn't want picture books at the library (unless it's written by Robert Munsch), nobody plays with him, he doesn't understand the games at school, he doesn't understand what people are saying to him, and the list goes on...

Please, someone out there tell me this will get better.  I need to hear that it will get better.

And Some Mornings You Just Cry...

I just dropped Bug off for school.

And now I'm crying.

I know it is probably stupid to cry, but it's just what I do.

All week he has refused to go on the playground in the morning.  He just stands frozen in his line on the blacktop.  And this morning he begged me not to leave and then he started crying and said, "Please, please don't leave me here."

I stayed with him for a little while, but then I told him I had to go.

He looked confused with a hint of scared.

I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn't tell me.

I asked him if someone was bothering him on the playground and he wouldn't tell me.

So I did the only thing I could think of to do - I called his teacher.

I told her that Bug was very emotional and that all week he has refused to go play on the playground.  He usually runs off to the swings - he likes the swings.

I told her he was crying.

She expressed what I was wondering, "I wonder if he's being picked on."

I told her that he wouldn't tell me anything.  I told her that he just cried and begged me to stay.

She said she would try to get it out of him and then she told me that it was ok for me to bring him straight in rather than taking him to the blacktop like the rest of the kids.  She said she didn't mind.  So I guess tomorrow I will just take him to his classroom.

The playground is full of kids - and in the morning it is every single kid in the entire school out there.  Bug spins in circles, talks to himself, and tends to yell out random things about his current obsession, Super Mario Brothers. I know to other kids he seems weird, but I also know that some of the kids in his class really like him.

He just looked so confused when I left.

I'll go wash my face now.  Thank you for listening.

"I Don't Like P.E."

I'm so glad that today was a day off of school for Bug.  He needed it.

Yesterday his teacher called me and asked me to come in and talk with him.  She said he had been crying all morning and when she asked him why he just kept saying, "I miss my mommy.  I miss my daddy.  I want to go home."

That's just not the norm for him and he would not stop so down to the school I went.

I dropped Bean at her class and then headed over to Bug's.  I took him out in the hallway and asked him what was wrong.  He threw his arms around me and said, "I just miss you today so much!"

So I hugged him a bit and told him I always miss him but that school was important so he needed to do his best and try to be happy.

And that is when it came out...

"I miss you because I don't want to go to P.E.  I don't like P.E.  I don't understand the games."

Yesterday was P.E. day.  Yes, I knew that.  He had been crying about P.E. the night before.

He says he doesn't like it.  He says he's no good at the games.  He says he doesn't understand it.

I said, "I know you don't like these things.  I understand you, but this is a part of school and at school you have to try even if you don't like it."

So we hugged and sat there a bit longer and then I sent him back into his room.

His teacher stayed with him for P.E. just to help him along.  She tells me the rest of the day was better.

And now we search for ways to cope better with P.E.  Thank the Lord he isn't having to dress out yet - junior high is gonna suck if we don't nip this in the bud really quick.

She is Not Her Brother

It's really funny to me how completely different my two kids can be even though they do share so many of the same characteristics.

On Bug's first day of the Early Childhood program he grabbed onto my leg and would not let go.  He began screaming "No!" over and over and crying.  It was so emotional that I broke down in tears and felt like the worst mom on earth and all of that kind of stuff.

But today, for Bean's first day, it was so very different.

Bean seemed a mix of excitement and fear all morning, but when it came time to get ready to go she popped up like a PopTart and was all smiles.  We got to the school and she could not wait to go in.  She was so excited to show off her most groovy, pink, Hello Kitty backpack.  She wanted to hit the playground.  She just could not wait!

We went and checked in at the office as was requested of us for the first day and then we headed out to the playground.  We said hello to her teacher and to the aides and I showed her where to put her backpack.  I told her to have a great day and that I was "so proud of my big girl" and then I told her I'd see her after school.  Bean leaned over and gave my leg a hug and gave me a kiss and yelled, "Bye, Mommy!" Then she ran off to the playground, happy as a clam.

I sat in the car for a few minutes and watched her sliding happily with one of the little boys from her class.  She was so cute.

I reminded myself yet again that she is not her brother.

When I went to pick the kids up she was equally as cute as she came down the hall with her class and saw me and yelled out, "Mommy!"  I smiled and said, "There's my girl!"  Then she gave me the biggest hug ever - it was awesome!

IEP's are Fun... Not!

Today we had Bean's IEP meeting, finally.

Bean will start the Early Childhood program on Monday.  She will attend for four days a week (Monday - Thursday).  Twice a week she will be pulled out for speech therapy (20 minutes each time).  She will work on goals that involve her fine motor skills, her adaptive skills, and her social/behavioral skills.

IEP meetings are stressful.  They are huge overloads of information and emotions.  Not only was there the writing of the goals and the signing of a bazillion pieces of paper (why oh why is my name so flippin' long?!), but there was also the going over of all her test results - and that was A LOT of testing.

Some of the test results have upset me, to be honest.  I feel like I have ignored signs of something huge.  I feel like I might just be a horrible mother.

I was told I need to take the results to a psychologist and in addition to her being in the program at the school I should seek assistance from a regular childhood psychologist as the school psychologist is an "educational psychologist".  I didn't even know there was a difference in all that.

My gut is telling me to just see how she does in school and see if there are changes over time.

And then my gut flips upside down and tells me to go to her pediatrician and get a referral.

And then my stomach takes a dive because it knows that there is no way I can afford weekly therapy.

Parent/Teacher Conference

Today we had Bug's first parent/teacher conference of the school year.  It was interesting.  His teacher and his Special Ed Coordinator were both there and we discussed how he was coming along in class and with his social skills training and in general and all that good stuff.

Overall, Bug is doing quite well with school.  There are trying moments and there have been tears - but in the grand scheme of things, he is doing much better than anyone really thought he would.

Academically he is doing great.  We received his report card and he had near perfect marks - totally makes a mom proud.  His only area that wasn't a "4" (4 = "exceeds the standards of first grade") was in comprehension.  Bug is a reader, but like all other kids his age he has to learn to soak up the story and remember it.  In comprehension he scored a "2" (2 = "approaching the standard and beginning to grasp the key concept").  This is all very good academically!

Bug has come to rely more on the main visual schedule on the big board in his classroom rather than the one on his desk, so today the desk schedule was removed with my consent.

He's working on eye contact and asking other students to play, but that's a long road to travel for him.

There will be social stories and a lot of training for substitute teachers.  The last time there was a substitute Bug flipped out - he doesn't handle change well at all.

And a problem that has become a concern at home in the last few weeks has also become one at school - he has begun chewing everything.  He used to do this a while back but seemed to move past it, however, over the last 2-3 weeks he has begun chewing everything in sight.  Pencils, pens, crayons, books, his clothes, toys - nothing is immune.  And judging from the state of his desk, apparently nothing is immune at school either.  We are working on getting him appropriate and safe objects to gnaw on.

Oh, and he is thrilled to have found out that he can earn rewards for reading those Magic Tree House books he loves - all he has to do is test on them after he reads them.  What a way to encourage that comprehension!

*Yes, I am also wondering what happened to A, B, C, D, and F...

Testing for Bean

Well today was not just voting day - but in case you are wondering, yes, I voted.  Today was also more developmental testing for Bean.  I filled out even more questionnaires designed to give the teachers and staff a full range of information about Bean and then her Early Childhood teacher worked with her on various tasks designed to give them all an idea of just where she stands.

I'm telling ya, tests and meetings - that is what my life is these days.

IEP meeting is tomorrow.

Bean starts Early Childhood on Monday.